Different Parent, Different Rules: Does it work?
Do you and your partner have different rules for each other’s children?
Some couples manage to negotiate and eventually agree on rules/expectations and consequences with their partner however many find this very difficult to say the least. Here’s what one couple has done in this case:
“Due to the fact that our parenting styles differ vastly, I’m strict and my husband is very lenient, we have had to decide to discipline separately. While we will discuss the discipline ultimately the bio parent will discipline the bio child. This has freed us to appreciate each other and love one another with our differences.”
Sometimes parents have one set of rules for their own children while their partner’s children have another.
For example, your children might be allowed on their phone or devices for two hours each day while your partner’s children can spend as much time as they like - day and night!
If you have tried this approach, would recommend it to others?
Please respond below and share what you've found works to help others.
Warm wishes
Adele Cornish
p.s. You can remain anonymous if you prefer! Scroll down to comment.
p.p.s. For specific information on how to negotiate discipline issues, please CLICK HERE
We had two very different parenting styles and although we agreed on what was 'right' for bringing up healthy adjusted kids, we could not agree on applying rules because my partner was in fear of losing his daughter's affection and would not get into conflict. We made the BIG mistake of then allowing two very different sets of rules in our house for the two girls of the same age (12). It made things go from bad to worse with two tribes living in a cold war atmosphere; to the point that I decided that there was no possible solution and that for my sanity and peace of mind we had to unblend the family.
We’ve had to discipline separately also. I’m more strict and he’s more lenient. It’s not easy for me, being on different pages this way, it’s causes issues in our relationship. I find I don’t feel as close to his children now and it bothers me. I’m raising mine to be independent, responsible adults, I think he wants his to be dependent kids forever. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone, it’s easier and healthier for everyone to be on the same page.
Yes we too find this a very hard thing to agree totally on, so discipline our own bio children when it comes down to the crunch. we both agree that so long as both our children are respectful towards both of us as parents then the rest will follow. It really seems to work and I get on so much better with my partners teenager as does my partner with my daughter. Its not easy being a ‘step parent’ so to speak but at the end of the day the most important thing is our love and relationship with each other as a couple