Repairing Couple Connection

If it feels good, do it!  If applied categorically, this simple slogan can lead you astray very quickly.

You may have seen the social media around the CEO of a large tech company and his co-worker snuggling at the Coldplay concert.  In doing what may have ‘felt good’ at the time, he cheated on his life (yes wife too).

Feelings are not an accurate basis alone for making decisions, particularly when it comes to making wise decisions. Feelings can change moment to moment and day to day. They are a guide for what you might need to pay attention to or change and therefore can offer valuable insights.  

When it comes to navigating the way forward however, they should not be used alone. Say my partner upset me and I ripped into them – big time! It might provide a temporary release of emotion in the instant but in the long run risks causing relationship distress, leaving me and us further disconnected.  Now if I were to look further into why I ripped into him – that is the thoughts behind the feelings, chances are I will eventually find that my anger is more about a deep desire to connect (move beyond the problem) and immense frustration that I can’t in the moment.

So rather than letting feelings dictate behaviour, in this instance your relationship is better served by choosing to respond in a calm manner (easier said than done I know!!).

Back to the CEO. When a couple have a strong emotional connection, it’s less likely one will stray away from the relationship. Think of it as a buffer. Both of you are each responsible for your part in maintaining that connection.  If that connection is missing and one chooses to stray, well responsibility for their choice rests on them alone.

What’s the connection like between you and your partner now?  The process of building emotional intimacy is ongoing – for the entirety of your relationship. Set yourself up to succeed by checking in with your partner about what’s really going on for them, not just about the day-to-day logistics.

Here’s some questions to promote meaningful conversation:

·       What’s something I do that makes you feel deeply loved?

·       What’s a memory from your childhood that shaped who you are today?

·       What’s a fear you’ve never shared with me before?

·       What’s something I can do better during an argument?

Most importantly, know that it is possible to build strong, loving relationships in blended families where things can feel especially complicated at times. You're not alone, and I’m here to support you on your journey. For more information on how I'll help you do this please Click Here

Kindest wishes

Adele

p.s. Please share your experience of this question below on my Blog. Blogs are a great way of both receiving and offering support to each other and it only takes a moment to respond.

Here's the question:

How have you built emotional intimacy in your relationship?

You can remain anonymous if you prefer :-)

#relationship #stepfamily #blendedfamily #coupleconflict