Does Mother's Day Trigger Uncomfortable Feelings?
What’s Mother's Day like for you?
For some it's a happy occasion but for others (particularly stepmothers) it can raise a whole lot of uncomfortable emotions that can be hard to navigate; you give of yourself as a stepmother and yet can feel unappreciated for all you do and you might feel guilty for not loving your stepchildren in the way you first hoped to.
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You might be one of many mothers or stepmothers who don't get a verbal expression of appreciation from your children/stepchildren on Mother's Day. It may be through no fault of your own that the relationship you have with your children isn't what you'd like it to be at this point (things change over time).
Did you know the women who founded Mother's Day as we know it was childless and never married...
Anna Jarvis had spent many years looking after her ailing mother and preferred to remain a spinster. When her mother died in 9th May 1905, Anna dedicated her life to her mother's cause and worked to establish Mother's Day to "honor mothers, living and dead”. She hoped Mother's Day would increase appreciation and respect for parents and strengthen family bonds.
Anna decided she didn't NEED to have a child’s love and affirmation when creating Mother’s Day in order for it to hold significance.
Our 'needs' in this world are finite – our 'wants' however, are infinite! So often we think we 'need' something that we don't have in order to be happy. Happiness can be found by wanting what we have and can be grateful for, instead of yearning for the "If only..." we don't have.
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With this in mind, if your ‘want’ is based on what you’d like other people to do or change (which you have no control over) then you place the key to your happiness in their hand rather than taking responsibility for it yourself.
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This Mother's Day, focus on, appreciate and give thanks for what you do have.
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Dwelling on the ‘wants’ you don’t have and can’t control will only steal your joy. I realise this is not as simplistic as it sounds; learning to navigate an active thought life is a skill in itself so remember I'm here to help.
My warmest wishes to you
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Adele
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Blended Family Author, Presenter and Relationship Coach
p.s. You don’t have to navigation the tricky dynamics of blending alone, check out how I can help you here: www.blendedfamilysuccess.nz/coaching