Why Being the ‘Good Guy’ Stepparent Actually Works
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Can you relate to this?:
​“She is quick to criticize my kids and last to offer them any care or kindness. We fight often as I defend my kids and she is trying to have her needs met. If she would only show some kindness and care for my kids….to make a real effort to build a relationship with them…My kids would have shown more respect and likewise my wife would have been inclined to build more relationship with them. I care deeply for my kids and …maybe too much to a level of “overprotecting them”.
​If this is familiar, you're not alone!
In the early stages, one of the most important (and often overlooked) steps is simply accepting each other. It’s from that place of acceptance that trust starts to grow, and once there’s trust, real connection can begin.
But here’s the catch: if a stepparent jumps straight into a strict, disciplinary role without building that foundation first, things can go sideways fast - especially with older kids and teens. There’s a reason people say, “Rules without a relationship lead to rebellion.” In blended families, this misstep can really slow down the bonding process.
It’s totally normal for a stepparent to feel like an outsider in the beginning. If you’re not expecting that, you might blame yourself or feel like something’s wrong with your family. But really, it just takes time.
If you’re a stepparent, one good strategy is to agree on house rules together with your partner—but let them handle the tougher conversations with their kids at first. That way, you can focus on building a relationship, not policing behavior. It helps protect the fragile connection you’re forming and keeps you in a more positive, approachable role during those early days.​​
Adele Cornish
Author, Presenter
& Relationship Coach
Researchers have found the blending process takes on average seven years but it can happen more quickly if you use proactive strategies. And who doesn't want to speed things up right?
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To save you time I have spent thousands of hours researching and working with couples in blended families to give you strategies and guidance to help you succeed at your goals, Click Here for my Coaching Progarmme.
​​Be encouraged, blending does require time and effort but with some planning and sensitivity around key issues, can bring you and your family much joy and fulfillment.
Kindest wishes
Adele C
Author, Presenter, Blended Family Coach & Relationship Therapist
BSW, NZCEFT, MSWRB
p.s. Perhaps you'd just like the opportunity to talk your experience through with someone who understands your pain, supports you to heal and gives you direction and focus. I'm here to help. Why not book a coaching session. You'll find more details when you Click Here Now.
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