Blending: Is there a right way?
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Blending is a journey rather than an event.
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Stepfamilies don’t work exactly like traditional families—and that’s totally okay. Within a stepfamily, there are smaller groups that have stronger bonds, based on blood ties (like biological siblings). These connections tend to feel more natural than step relationships, and that’s completely normal. The key to blending a family is creating a space where new relationships can grow and everyone’s needs are respected.
Research shows that blended families go through a series of stages over several years. During these stages, families figure out the “how,” “when,” and “why” of everyday life—like routines, house rules, and traditions. It’s a process that helps everyone get on the same page and starts to build a real sense of togetherness.
By the time you reach the final stage, things feel a lot more settled. Stepparents don’t feel like the “outsider” anymore - they’ve found their place, built strong connections, and the whole family starts to feel more like a unit.
Does this mean there is one right way to blended family success?
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The thing is, it takes time for each person to adjust to their new role within your family. The stages show us that blended family dynamics do change over time. With patience, persistence and some proven strategies to assist, family members will form a way of relating to each other that helps each person feel accepted, supported and a sense of belonging. ​​
​Keys to blending successfully…
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Couples who share their feelings without blaming and explore possible solutions that cater for a variety of needs, will mostly like work through the stages of blending at a faster pace.
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Don’t set rules and systems in concrete but evaluate them to determine their effectiveness. If one approach doesn’t work, it’s not the end of the world (or the stepfamily), together explore another way forward.
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Develop effective conflict resolving skills (see Session 2 of the Blending Lives Program), these will directly affect your success over time.
Unfortunately many couples give up before ever experiencing unity.
If you’re experiencing a lot of conflict, it doesn’t need to be this way forever. Recognise conflict is a normal part of the process
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Sometimes in the mist of our blended family challenges, we can get so caught up with the conflicts that we loose sight of our goal as a parent of raising our children step/children into healthy independent adults, while enjoying the process along the way!
To save you time I have spent thousands of hours researching and working with couples in blended families to give you strategies and guidance to help you succeed, Click Here for my Coaching Progarmme which will equip you to reach your goals.
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Be encouraged, blending does require time and effort but with some planning and sensitivity around key issues, can bring you and your family much joy and fulfillment.
Kindest wishes
Adele C
Author, Presenter, Blended Family Coach & Relationship Therapist
BSW, NZCEFT, MSWRB
p.s. Perhaps you'd just like the opportunity to talk your experience through with someone who understands your pain, supports you to heal and gives you direction and focus. I'm here to help. Why not book a coaching session. You'll find more details when you Click Here Now.
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p.p.s. If you haven't already entered your name and email below, do it now so we can keep in touch. I look forward to assisting you on your journey!